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Be a Superhero: Three Simple Steps:

If you want to be imbued with superpowers, you should look for situations that involve cosmic rays, gamma radiation, or large vats that you can fall into. It seems that these kind of situations have a high likelihood of giving people superpowers. You may find the following guide helpful:

Unlikely Places to Gain Powers: Grocery Store, Joe's Clam Shack, a vat of pudding
Likely Places to Gain Powers: Cosmic Ray Store, Joe's Gamma Radiation Shack, a vat of pudding during a nuclear holocaust

Unfortunately there's very little you can do to determine exactly how your powers will manifest themselves. Jumping into a vat of mutagen while covered in spiders may give you, rather than the relative strength and agility of a spider, a huge case of herpes2. It's not an exact science.

Go read. It's a hoot.